One way to cut through the noise is to look at the commonalities between the advice that many different highly successful people give (i.e., take the “intersection”), letting the noise and contradictions drop away. If many of them provide the same advice, we can be at least somewhat more confident that it generalizes. Having said that, we should nevertheless remain mindful of selection effects (affecting who we hear advice from), including survivorship bias.

With that in mind, here’s my attempt to “intersect” the repeated advice I’ve read or heard from many different highly successful people who come from a wide range of fields and life circumstances. I expand on each piece of advice by listing common themes I’ve heard around that advice (that I also largely agree with), and then I give a relevant quote.

Ten Repeated Pieces of Advice From Highly Successful People

1. You won’t automatically be happy when you reach your goals.

Achieving goals breeds new ones.

A terrible situation creates misery, but a good situation doesn’t imply you’ll be happy. Happiness takes inner work, and it benefits a lot from gratitude for whatever it is you already have. The good life is a journey, not a destination.

Quote: “Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” – Denis Waitley

2. High levels of accomplishment almost always require hard work over a long time. “Overnight successes” are rare and are often misidentified. If you look closely, usually, the person was practicing for 5-20 years before they were an “overnight success.”

Always be looking for how you can do your work better, and focus on improving in those areas. Compounding improvement over a long period is how people become great at things.

Quote: “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” – Thomas Jefferson

3. Life is unpredictable. When young, people usually don’t know what they’re going to “do with their life.” That’s fine!

Life takes crazy, unexpected twists and turns. Plans are great, but you should expect to modify them. Be adaptable and on the lookout for great, unexpected opportunities.

Quote: “Sometimes, when you go looking for what you want, you run right into what you need.” – Wally Lamb

4. Don’t let fear stop you. Attempting hard things will bring stress, fear, and anxiety. 

If you avoid what you fear (more than is warranted by the level of danger), your potential will be curtailed. Learn to push through your fears to do stressful things that are valuable.

Quote: “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anaïs Nin

5. Choose who you spend time with wisely. Be thoughtful about who you are friends with, whether you spend enough quality time with your loved ones, etc.

Spending time with the wrong people will waste time or even sap potential. Make enough time for the people that matter most to you.

Quote: “You Are The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With” – Jim Rohn

6. Learn to say no. People will ask you many things from you. If you always say “yes,” it will drain energy & focus.

Say “yes” to your loved ones and to requests that are aligned with your deepest values. For others, consider if you realistically have the bandwidth to handle the request without taking away from your most important priorities. If not, give an authentic “no.”

When you’re starting out, it makes sense to say “yes” to more things. The more successful you become, the better you have to get at saying “no” – otherwise, your life will be dictated by other people’s demands.

Make choices based on your own values rather than based on what pleases or impresses others. Be your authentic self.

Quote: “Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” – Josh Billings

7. Take care of your body. Exercise regularly, reduce sugar intake, eat healthy foods that make you feel good, make enough time for sleep, and avoid excessive alcohol/drugs.

Good health has ripple effects and will help you achieve your goals. Your body impacts your mind.

Quote: “The groundwork for all happiness is good health.” – Leigh Hunt

8. Take care of your mind. Meditate regularly (or find another practice that refreshes and resets you). Sleep enough. Seek treatment for mental health challenges.

Get out of relationships where people mistreat you. Have compassion for yourself, and treat yourself with kindness.

Know your limits, and keep stress within those limits. Take some time just to relax and have fun with no obligations. Take vacations.

Quote: “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” -Jack Kornfield

9. Expect to fail many times. That’s normal and expected. 

The key is to learn from every failure, pick yourself back up, and keep going. If you’re not willing to fail many times, you aren’t prepared to do hard things.

Quote: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison

10. Leverage habits. Figure out what daily pattern works for you. 

Maybe it’s an hour of writing at 6 am, strong tea in the morning, a carefree walk in nature at noon, or jumping jacks in the early afternoon. Experiment to find what works well for you, and stick to it.

Quote: “First, forget inspiration. Habit is more dependable. Habit will sustain you whether you’re inspired or not.” – Octavia Butler

This piece was first written on January 26, 2021, and first appeared on this site on October 14, 2022.

Your happiness, like the level of the ocean, is caused by a superposition of waves of different frequencies. Each operates on a distinct scale – they sum up to determine your well-being at any given point in life. Each wave tends to oscillate around its mean or neutral point (except for the slowest waves, which take your whole life to unfold). One useful way to think about becoming happier is to take care of your life at the level of each of these waves.

Your Waves From Highest to Lowest Frequency

(1) Your Reactions [~a few seconds]: the fastest, highest frequency waves are your emotional shifts based on what just happened a moment ago. If you just had a sip of a delicious beverage, you’ll feel better than if you just knocked your beverage over.

(2) The Setting [~1 minute]: the next fastest wave is based on what’s around you right now and what activity you’re engaged in. Are you walking outside enjoying nature, shopping in a grocery store, talking to a friend, or reviewing your taxes? Your emotional state depends on what you’re doing and where you’re doing it.

(3) Your Body [~10 minutes]: how do you feel in your body? Are you hungry? Do you have to go to the bathroom? Does your back hurt? Are you overheated? These states tend to persist until something changes and more often make us feel bad than good – though you can, of course, have positive body states too (e.g., the feeling of taking a warm bath, getting a massage, or experiencing a post-workout high).

(4) Your Mood [~a few hours]: some days, you may wake up in a funk. Sometimes, after a few hours, your mood might change due to something good or bad happening, or perhaps due to nothing at all that you can put your finger on. Your mood may well shift a few times throughout the day.

(5) Your Circadian Rhythm [~1 day]: you likely have a time of day when you tend to feel your best. You might be a morning person or a night owl. Additionally, once enough hours go by without sleeping (especially after it gets dark), you’ll start to feel sleepy. If you slept badly during the previous night or your circadian rhythm is disrupted, that is very likely to impact how you feel the next day.

(6) An Acute Illness [~1 week]: do you have an acute viral or bacterial infection? Typically these reduce our functioning and make us feel bad for a few days to a few weeks. Of course, some illnesses are much worse than this, and some end up as a chronic health problem operating on a longer scale.

(7) Hormones & Nutrition [~1 month]: the most obvious cycle of this type is the change in female hormones during the menstrual cycle. Some scientists claim male hormones also have periodic (though not necessary monthly) fluctuations, but this is more controversial. Some nutritional deficits also operate on this time scale.

(8) Loss & Gain [~4 months]: if you lose something you care a lot about (e.g., you break up with the person you love, or your house burns down), it will typically take at least a few months to start feeling mostly normal again. And of course, sometimes it takes far longer than that if the loss is especially severe or if it’s something that is extremely important to you that you believe can never be replaced. On the positive side, a big gain can cause months or more of substantially boosted happiness. The obvious example is the “new relationship energy” of falling in love. But a new job you love, getting your dream home, a baby, a sudden windfall of cash, etc. may also cause months of elevated happiness before the hedonic treadmill starts to kick in to bring you closer to baseline. Of course, these positives can have long-lasting benefits, but usually they give us a burst of delight when they are new to us, and that burst fades.

(9) Satisfaction & Health [~ a year]: are you making progress towards your goals? Are you happy with your city, the people you hang out with, and your job? Do you have a romantic relationship, and if so, does it make you happy? Is your body fit or out of shape? Do you have chronic health issues? This yearly scale is often about our overall satisfaction with life, which involves an evaluation of how things are going overall compared to how we want them to be going.

(10) Identity [years]: Are you the person you want to be? Do you love (or like) yourself? Do you have lifelong friends? Is your life path one you feel good about? Do you feel positive about your past? This time scale is often about how you feel about yourself as a person, which usually shifts over multiple years (though it can occasionally undergo a rapid shift in the face of big life changes).

(11) Aging [decades]: as we age, our bodies and minds obviously change. Our aging bodies can feel worse and become less reliable. Yet there is at least some evidence of U-shaped happiness curves, with more happiness on average for the young and old (until very old age) – though it may be culturally dependent. Aging is the longest wave of them all. Good habits such as exercise and healthy eating can slow the negative impacts that come with age.

Your well-being is the sum of many waves operating at many scales. It’s easy to get lost in this sea of complexity and over-focus on just a few waves at the expense of the others. Here are questions for you to help you evaluate how each wave is going:

(1) Did your emotion just shift?

(2) How do you feel about the activity you’re doing right now and about the setting you’re doing it in?

(3) How does your body feel right now? Are you hungry, thirsty, in pain, etc.?

(4) How has your mood been for the past few hours?

(5) How sleepy or tired are you, and did you sleep well last night?

(6) Are you sick right now?

(7) Have you been eating healthy and nutritious foods lately, and are you being affected by your hormone levels?

(8) Are you processing some form of loss right now?

(9) How satisfied are you with your life?

(10) How satisfied are you with who you are?

(11) Are you taking care of your body for the very long term?

This piece was first written on October 17, 2020, and first appeared on this site on April 1, 2022.