(1) Two groups have a small (but meaningful) difference in their average value of some trait, with heavily overlapping distributions.

(2) Some people (“Dichotomizers” or “Oversimplifiers”) observe this difference (in their everyday life or media reports) and turn this small average difference into a (sometimes very harmful) oversimplification: “A’s are like this, B’s are like that.” They also fairly often make it seem like this difference is large (or applies to almost everyone in the group), important, and fundamental (e.g., inherent and unchangeable).

(3) Other people (“Difference Deniers”), often acting with good intentions, criticize this oversimplification, which they correctly perceive as harmful. But instead of saying some combination of:

• “the difference in averages is small”
• “the distributions are heavily overlapping”
• “judging an individual based on a small difference in group averages is a poor way to make predictions, as well as unjust”
• “we shouldn’t judge people for differing on that trait” (if it’s not a trait one should be judged on)
• “if we want to remove the difference in averages, we should consider implementing policy XYZ”

they say “the difference in averages does not exist.” After denying the difference and seeing those they respect deny it, some of them become convinced anyone who believes in the existence of this (actually existing) small average difference is nefarious (and lump such people in with those who harmfully oversimplify people into “A’s are like this, B’s are like that.”) Others among them know the average difference exists but pretend not to because they want to fit into the group that adamantly denies the difference, or because they feel guilty about believing it (even though they are right about it existing).

(4) Oversimiplifiers from (2), who remain totally convinced an average difference exists (and are correct about its existence but exaggerate its magnitude), assume that the Difference Deniers from (3) must be either stupid (for not realizing there is a difference), or untrustworthy liars (for denying what they must see is true), or cruel lunatics (for getting enraged at people for believing in “the truth”).

Queue endless fights between the Dichotomizers and the Difference Deniers, both of which are misrepresenting the actual reality of the situation and demonizing each other.

The problem with turning small averages into “A’s are like this, B’s are like that” is that it is an inaccurate oversimplification and often unfair to A’s or B’s or both.

The problem with denying the existence of average differences that, while small, really do exist is that you end up believing falsehoods, or you end up lying, or both, and you may end up unfairly misjudging people who are (without malice) reporting on real average differences.

To avoid the weaknesses of both the Dichotomizers and the Difference Deniers, I think the best way to handle these cases is to:

1) Avoid pre-judging people based on their membership in broad groups – learn about people as individuals before coming to judgments about them.

2) Avoid language like “A’s are like this, B’s are like that” so that you aren’t a Dichotomizer.

3) Avoid denying that an average difference exists when it really does exist, so that way, you aren’t a Difference Denier.

4) When relevant, remind people that small average differences are not a good basis for judging individuals (epistemically and morally), and point out that the distributions between the two groups are heavily overlapping (when they are) to combat people using differences in the average as a justification for stereotyping.

5) Point to (when relevant, helpful, and accurate) policies that may help close the gap between the two groups (keeping in mind that some gaps in averages are fine if the trait in question is merely a difference and not something “good” or “bad”)

6) Point out (when the difference in question is not something people should be judged for) that this attribute should not be a basis for judging people, i.e., that having different values of that trait is completely okay.

Another approach that can be taken when the group differences in the average are small but meaningful is well described by Guy Srinivasan in the comments on an earlier draft of this post: “Can we agree to make decisions as if there were no average difference, since usually all such decisions would turn out the same, and usually when they wouldn’t it’s perpetuating systemic problems to make the decision differently?”

Of course, as with any binary categories, some people will only be partial Difference Deniers or Dichotomizers – people are absurdly complex, and this model I present here is purposely simplified in order to help communicate this dynamic clearly.

Okay, but are there cases where the Dichotomizers or Difference Deniers are actually just right?

Absolutely, there are some.

When a group difference is SO huge that the distributions are nearly non-overlapping, then it’s reasonable to say, “A’s are like this, and B’s are like that.” For instance, it makes sense to say that “blue whales are big, mice are small.” In such cases, the Dichotomizers aren’t really oversimplifying. But when we’re talking about human groups, this kind of situation is very rare.

And in situations when the difference in averages between groups is so small as to be essentially insignificant for all purposes, the Difference Deniers aren’t actually denying reality. For instance, if it turns out that right-handed people are 0.001% better at school than left-handed people, that difference is so small as to not be meaningfully different from zero for all purposes, and so saying there is “no difference” is an extremely reasonable thing to do. There are, in fact, many attributes along which human groups differ so little that “no difference” is an accurate way to describe it (even though the difference is not literally zero to the 10th decimal point).

If you’re not an outlier, you may never guess that someone’s internal experience could be so vastly different. Even if 5% of people have an experience, and it causes very different internal experiences than you have but doesn’t manifest in an apparent difference in behavior, you might not notice the difference exists. So these “outliers” don’t necessarily have to be rare to escape your notice.

Here are a few real examples of some of the most extraordinarily different psychological experiences I’m aware of:

(1) Some can control things about themselves that people don’t normally view humans as being in control of (e.g., can choose to quickly lower their heart rate, or can choose to suddenly make themselves feel happier if they want) vs. those who aren’t in control of things that people normally think we all control (e.g., they feel as though they are literally unable to take action in certain types of situations regardless of how bad the consequences of inaction are, or they can’t stop thinking about a certain thing no matter how much they want to)

(2) Some view themselves as truly special, capable of world-changing things that no one else is, or existing for a singular and unique purpose, vs. people who view themselves as inherently inferior to others or fundamentally not deserving of love

(3) Some lack any desire for friendship and have no negative feelings about long periods of solitude vs. those who prefer to spend literally every hour of their waking time around others.

(4) Some control their physical condition primarily by treating their body as a chemical machine and consciously varying the inputs (e.g., caffeine, certain foods, nicotine, marijuana, alcohol, microdoses, modafinil, Adderall) vs. those who purposely avoid any substance that causes significant changes in their physical condition.

(5) Some have virtually no awareness of the facial expressions they are making vs. those who are aware of their facial expression at all times in social settings

(6) Some never experience a specific emotional state (e.g., they have little idea what a “depressive” state means because they’ve never experienced one, or they have never had an experience of awe) vs. people who experience specific emotions at a higher frequency or intensity than is typical (e.g., they find humor in almost everything)

(7) Some have almost no awareness of social dynamics (e.g., who is trying to suck up to whom and who is trying to signal what) vs. people who observe social dynamics just as they would a person’s hair color

(8) Some have almost no ability to change how they feel emotionally by changing their cognitive beliefs about a thing vs. can actually “snap” their emotions into alignment immediately using their cognitive beliefs when the two are out of sync

(9) Some view coincidences and strange occurrences as being deeply meaningful and fundamentally non-random vs. those who view most of their existence as being driven by unavoidable but totally meaningless chance

(10) Some have extremely limited abilities to guess what emotion another person is feeling in a given situation vs. those who constantly are aware of the emotional states of the other people in the room

(11) Some have learned that it is bad when another person is very unhappy and want to help, but experience essentially no emotion about it vs. those who viscerally experience pain when they see (or even hear of) someone else who is very unhappy, and can’t imagine what it would be like to not feel compelled to help

Note: each of these examples is supposed to illustrate a somewhat extreme form of each trait for clarity purposes. Most people who have or lack each trait don’t have a form that is as extreme as is shown in these examples.

1. Extraversion vs. Introversion

“Are you coming out? It’s going to be a huge night! First we’re meeting up with Bill, Harry and Jennifer for drinks. Then stopping by the party to see the whole crew, and after, if we’re feeling it, we’ll hit up Sing Song karaoke. Then we’re hitting the clubs for the rest of the night!”

“Thanks. I appreciate the invite. I’m just going to stay in tonight. I’ve really been loving this book I’m reading. I’ve been looking forward to having the time to finish it.”

2. Conscientious vs. Nonchalant

“I can’t believe how much material this exam is going to cover! I still need to make an outline of all the material, and flashcards. Last time I color coded my outline which worked really well, though it took a long time to make. I might borrow outlines from a couple other people to see how they organize the material. I’m going to be up until 2am tonight at least.”

“Me too…but more like 4am. I have a date with World of Warcraft. You do realize this test only counts for 5% of our grade, right? I might just skip the exam actually.”

3. Social awareness vs. Social unawareness

“Let’s go talk to Sally over there, she clearly wants to get out of that conversation with Bill. Plus, I should introduce her to Ethan.”

“Wait, who’s Sally again…is she one of the new engineers? How do you know she doesn’t like Bill, did she tell you that? And is Ethan even here tonight? Why do you want to introduce them to each other anyway?”

4. Irrationality vs. Stability

“Sometimes life is so intense that I almost can’t take it. I’ll just burst out in tears in the middle of the day and have to hide in the bathroom at work. I wouldn’t have it any other way though, it’s what makes life so meaningful.”

“Crying at work you mean? I’ve done that too actually. I was at work when I found out my sister had died. It was really tough. Actually though, now that I think about it, I finished out my shift since I only had 5 minutes of it left anyway. And I don’t think I cried until later that night when I was at home alone.”

5. Aesthetic sensitivity vs. Aesthetic indifference

“Did you see the colors he painted his walls!? They made my skin crawl.”

“Wait, what color were they? And how is it even possible for colors to make your skin crawl?”

6. Sensitivity vs. Insensitivity

“Please, please don’t use glue traps. Once the mouse is stuck it will slowly starve to death. What if I help you trap it and then we can find a good place to release it outside?”

“Are you kidding me? We’re talking about a mouse! If the stupid thing weren’t so damn fast I’d stamp right on its head with my boots, that would take so much less time.”

7. Anxiety vs. Calmness

“I’ve been worried all day because I’ve been waiting for the doctor to call me with my test results. I mean, I know I probably will test negative, but what if I don’t? I wouldn’t be able to stay in school anymore, and I’m not sure I could afford the medical bills. Even if there is a 1% that I test positive, the consequences would just be so serious that it’s still a big deal. And my chances might even be worse than 1%! I really don’t need this right now, I was already really worried about the presentation I have to give to the CEO at the end of the month. What is life going to throw at me next?”

“Honestly, you just need to relax. What’s the point of worrying about all this? Worrying doesn’t change anything and you’re just stressing yourself out. Like you said, you’re really unlikely to test positive. Everything is going to be totally fine in the end.”

8. Open Mind vs. Closed Mind

“That was the coolest lecture ever, I’m so inspired right now. I can only begin to imagine what it’s like to be Prism, as a visually impaired Chinese Italian non gender binary person who spent fifteen years fighting for the medical establishment to finally recognize the alternative medical treatments that cured his own cancer! Prism has so many interesting ideas about relationships and child rearing too. I’m also really excited now to buy a few books on the diversity of social practices among First Nations people.”

“Seriously, you enjoyed that? That was literally the weirded thing I’ve ever experienced. I wanted to puke when he made us all put our arms around each other in a circle and try to open our ‘inner eye’. What does that even mean? Not to mention that half the people there were out of it on drugs of some kind. And why on earth was that woman practically naked?”

9. Authoritarianism vs. Libertarianism

“If your father wants you to move in with him and your mom, then that’s your duty as their child. Maybe your pastor can give you advice for how to make it a smooth transition.”

“It was my parents choice to have me. Just because they made that choice doesn’t mean they have control over my life. Are you serious that if you were me you would talk to a pastor for advice? Sure, I’m spiritual. But I don’t belong to a church or follow one particular set of teachings, I prefer to figure out myself what religion and spirituality mean.”

10. Optimism vs. Pessimism

“I can’t wait until vacation! We’re going to have such an incredible time together. And it’s going to be such a well deserved break after all this hard work. Plus, they’re going to announce bonuses right before we leave. Business has been great, I bet they’ll be the biggest bonuses yet. When we’re lying on the beach we can discuss the fun things we’re going to buy with all that money!”

“Vacation will be pretty fun I guess. But I’ve been thinking…the beaches get so crowded during the vacation season, maybe it would make more sense to just stay home this year. It’s pretty pointless just lying on the beach all day anyway. I know you’re excited about bonuses, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up. Business looked good this year, but our industry is about to get squeezed with all the new technology coming to market. I wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t even give us bonuses. After all, we work at a company that tries to convince consumers to buy meaningless shit they don’t need, so why would the company care about making its employees happy?”

11. Hypersexuality vs. Asexuality

“This club is amazing…it has the hottest people I’ve ever seen! I would literally sleep with anyone here. It’s hard to even focus on this conversation!”

“Oh…hmm, I guess you’re right, there are a lot of good looking people here. All the skin tight clothing and showing off of skin seems a bit gratuitous though, don’t you think?”

12. Analytical vs. Intuitive

“I’ve been thinking about social interaction a lot lately, and currently my best framework for how to start a conversation with a stranger is to make a comment about something in the surrounding context that you know the other person is already aware of. For instance, about the weather, but only if the weather is well above or below average for that season. Then, once the other person responds to your comment, you should ask them a question related to their response to get them talking further. If the person gives a really short response to your question then it probably means…”

“Can I stop you right there? Honestly, if you’re analyzing how to have social interaction you’re already doing it wrong. Just get a feel for what the other person is like. Then just say whatever feels most natural to say. Don’t overthink everything!”

13. Self-esteem vs. Self depreciation

“There are very few incredible people in the world. What are the chances that two truly unique and awesome people would find each other? I think that as a team we could achieve just about anything.”

“You keep calling me special, but honestly, I’m embarrassed to admit it, but there’s nothing special about me. Nearly everything I’ve achieved was just a result of good luck, or having unfair opportunities that other people don’t get, and I’m probably one of the least talented people to achieve what I’ve achieved. Eventually people will figure that out about me and it will all come crashing down. And when I get good opportunities I usually just mess them up or undermine myself. If there’s anything special about me, it’s that there’s something wrong with me. I screw things up. Fundamentally, not only am I ordinary, but I’m not even an especially good person, and I don’t deserve much of anything.”