Epictetus, born ~50AD, was a disabled man born into slavery in Phrygia (present-day Turkey). Nothing that he wrote down survives; we know about him only through the words of other scholars. But he was so wise that his ideas reverberate through society today. This article summarizes some parts of his incredible life and the impact that he had on the world:

Epictetus’s Life

Epictetus walked with a limp, a disability he may have had from birth, from when his leg was broken deliberately by his enslaver, or from a later medical condition (stories on this differ). He was passionate about philosophy from a young age. His enslaver, who had previously been a slave himself, let Epictetus study Stoic philosophy. Epictetus obtained his freedom in adulthood and taught philosophy in Rome. But the Roman emperor then banished all philosophers from the city. At that point, Epictetus moved to Epirus, Greece, where he founded a school of philosophy.

Epictetus’s Impact

The reason we know about his ideas is due to his most famous pupil, Arrian, who wrote in the prologue to Discourses of Epictetus: “whatever I heard him say I used to write down, word for word, as best I could, endeavoring to preserve it.” Arrian said Epictetus “induce[ed] his listener to feel just what [he] wanted him to feel.” 

People who cited Epictetus’ ideas in their writing include:

• Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius
• Voltaire, who described him as someone “whom one almost despairs of imitating”
• Author Tom Wolfe (the book, Enchiridion of Epictetus is referenced in “A Man in Full”)
• Novelist James Joyce
• Herodes Atticus who called him “the greatest of the Stoics”

Additionally, Albert Ellis (1913 – 2007) credited Epictetus with providing a foundation for his system of psychotherapy, underlining the prevailing relevance of Epictetus’s observations about the people of ancient Greece. Ellis’ theory (rational emotive behavior therapy, R.E.B.T.) eventually became a major part of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, the most evidenced-based therapy for treating mental disorders today.

Epictetus’s Ideas

Epictetus was part of the Stoic school of philosophy, which is about letting go of negative emotions like fear and jealousy and being calm – or “stoic” – in the face of suffering. 

Here are some of the most insightful quotes attributed to Epictetus, organized by topic. You’ve probably heard some of these ideas expressed by famous people alive today. Well, Epictetus said these things almost two THOUSAND years before them. Let that sink in for a moment before reading on. (We’ve edited some quotes for clarity – you can find most of the originals on Goodreads.) 

Epictetus on challenges

• “There’s one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.”
• “The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests.”

Epictetus on relationships

• “Keep company only with those who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.”
• “Anyone capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed.”
• “If evil be said of you, and it’s true, correct yourself; if it’s a lie, laugh at it.”
• “It is a fact of life that other people, even people who love you, will not necessarily agree with your ideas, understand you, or share your enthusiasms.”
• “If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, ‘He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone.'”

Epictetus on self-improvement

• “If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.”
• “He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.”
• “It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.”
• “How long will you wait before you demand the best for yourself?”
• “No person is free who is not a master of themself.”
• “Don’t just say you’ve read books. Show through them you have learned to think better, to be more discriminating and reflective. Books are the training weights of the mind… it’s a bad mistake to suppose that one has made progress simply by having internalized their contents.”

Epictetus on meaning

• “Seek not the good in external things; seek it in yourselves.”
• “Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.”
• “You are a little soul carrying around a corpse.”
• “Who is rich? He who is content.”

Epictetus on wisdom

• “Small-minded people blame others. Average people blame themselves. The wise see all blame as foolishness.”
• “He is a wise person who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those he has.”
• “Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.”

Epictetus’s story is very inspiring, and it is a nice reminder that many of our experiences – and the wisdom that can guide us through these experiences – are shared by people who are geographically, culturally, and temporally distant from us. 

One way to cut through the noise is to look at the commonalities between the advice that many different highly successful people give (i.e., take the “intersection”), letting the noise and contradictions drop away. If many of them provide the same advice, we can be at least somewhat more confident that it generalizes. Having said that, we should nevertheless remain mindful of selection effects (affecting who we hear advice from), including survivorship bias.

With that in mind, here’s my attempt to “intersect” the repeated advice I’ve read or heard from many different highly successful people who come from a wide range of fields and life circumstances. I expand on each piece of advice by listing common themes I’ve heard around that advice (that I also largely agree with), and then I give a relevant quote.

Ten Repeated Pieces of Advice From Highly Successful People

1. You won’t automatically be happy when you reach your goals.

Achieving goals breeds new ones.

A terrible situation creates misery, but a good situation doesn’t imply you’ll be happy. Happiness takes inner work, and it benefits a lot from gratitude for whatever it is you already have. The good life is a journey, not a destination.

Quote: “Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” – Denis Waitley

2. High levels of accomplishment almost always require hard work over a long time. “Overnight successes” are rare and are often misidentified. If you look closely, usually, the person was practicing for 5-20 years before they were an “overnight success.”

Always be looking for how you can do your work better, and focus on improving in those areas. Compounding improvement over a long period is how people become great at things.

Quote: “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” – Thomas Jefferson

3. Life is unpredictable. When young, people usually don’t know what they’re going to “do with their life.” That’s fine!

Life takes crazy, unexpected twists and turns. Plans are great, but you should expect to modify them. Be adaptable and on the lookout for great, unexpected opportunities.

Quote: “Sometimes, when you go looking for what you want, you run right into what you need.” – Wally Lamb

4. Don’t let fear stop you. Attempting hard things will bring stress, fear, and anxiety. 

If you avoid what you fear (more than is warranted by the level of danger), your potential will be curtailed. Learn to push through your fears to do stressful things that are valuable.

Quote: “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anaïs Nin

5. Choose who you spend time with wisely. Be thoughtful about who you are friends with, whether you spend enough quality time with your loved ones, etc.

Spending time with the wrong people will waste time or even sap potential. Make enough time for the people that matter most to you.

Quote: “You Are The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With” – Jim Rohn

6. Learn to say no. People will ask you many things from you. If you always say “yes,” it will drain energy & focus.

Say “yes” to your loved ones and to requests that are aligned with your deepest values. For others, consider if you realistically have the bandwidth to handle the request without taking away from your most important priorities. If not, give an authentic “no.”

When you’re starting out, it makes sense to say “yes” to more things. The more successful you become, the better you have to get at saying “no” – otherwise, your life will be dictated by other people’s demands.

Make choices based on your own values rather than based on what pleases or impresses others. Be your authentic self.

Quote: “Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” – Josh Billings

7. Take care of your body. Exercise regularly, reduce sugar intake, eat healthy foods that make you feel good, make enough time for sleep, and avoid excessive alcohol/drugs.

Good health has ripple effects and will help you achieve your goals. Your body impacts your mind.

Quote: “The groundwork for all happiness is good health.” – Leigh Hunt

8. Take care of your mind. Meditate regularly (or find another practice that refreshes and resets you). Sleep enough. Seek treatment for mental health challenges.

Get out of relationships where people mistreat you. Have compassion for yourself, and treat yourself with kindness.

Know your limits, and keep stress within those limits. Take some time just to relax and have fun with no obligations. Take vacations.

Quote: “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” -Jack Kornfield

9. Expect to fail many times. That’s normal and expected. 

The key is to learn from every failure, pick yourself back up, and keep going. If you’re not willing to fail many times, you aren’t prepared to do hard things.

Quote: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison

10. Leverage habits. Figure out what daily pattern works for you. 

Maybe it’s an hour of writing at 6 am, strong tea in the morning, a carefree walk in nature at noon, or jumping jacks in the early afternoon. Experiment to find what works well for you, and stick to it.

Quote: “First, forget inspiration. Habit is more dependable. Habit will sustain you whether you’re inspired or not.” – Octavia Butler

This piece was first written on January 26, 2021, and first appeared on this site on October 14, 2022.

(1) Noticing: paying close attention to your negative thoughts instead of pushing them away or trying to ignore the bad feelings. What are the EXACT words running through your mind? How does it feel right now to be you? What do your body and mind feel like?

(2) Allowing: letting go of negative thoughts or feelings ABOUT your emotional response. Be loving to yourself, like you would a friend. Remember, emotions are there to help you. It’s not bad to feel sad. You don’t have to be anxious (or angry at yourself) for these emotions.

(3) Observing: making observations about your thoughts (rather than only noticing them). Which of these upsetting thoughts are true and helpful? Which are false or unhelpful? It may help to write out upsetting thoughts you’re having, which you can then read later (when feeling a little better).

(4) Explaining: trying to clarify why, precisely, you are experiencing what you are feeling. Of course, a person is sad when their pet dies – but why, precisely, are you sad that Snowball died? Can you explain what is now lost that is making you so sad? What will you miss?

(5) Understanding: trying to make sense of the event (especially when it was a surprise or shock). What exactly occurred? How much was due to chance? What caused it? What role did you play, and what should you take responsibility for? What role did others play? What can you learn from it?

(6) Accepting: accepting that the event has happened and acknowledging the new state the world is in – not denying the way things are now or mentally rebelling against reality. This involves filling in mental details about what’s true from now on instead of refusing to update your mental map.

(7) Concluding: [eventually] taking actions that help give a sense of closure. This might be saying “goodbye,” performing a ritual, severing a tie, taking a symbolic action, etc. What can help you recover or move on?

This piece was first written on December 20, 2020, and first appeared on this site on March 11, 2022.

The “Responsibility Mindset” is one of the most powerful perspectives I know of.

It’s the difference between:

1. “The ball wasn’t on my side of the court, so I didn’t go for it,” and
2. “Clearly, nobody else was going to be able to hit the ball in time, so I ran for it.”

1. “This party is boring,” and
2. “Who wants to dance with me? Let’s get this party started!”

1. “I can’t do my job because nobody is doing this thing I need,” and
2. “I haven’t been able to do my job because nobody is doing this thing I need – I’ll let my manager know why I am blocked.” (H/T Emily Dempsey)

1. “I am lonely, this sucks,” and
2. “I am lonely, this sucks, so I’m going to make an effort to meet more people, and I’m going to set up regularly repeating calls with my friends.”

1. “I was wronged, and I didn’t deserve it,” and
2. “I was wronged, and I didn’t deserve it, and I’m going to sever my ties with this harmful person if warranted, or make clear what I need from them going forward to feel good about maintaining a relationship.”

1. “This policy makes no sense; what a pain it is for everyone to deal with,” and
2. “This policy makes no sense; what a pain it is for everyone to deal with. I’m going to rally up a group to try to get it changed.”

There are, without a doubt, some people that take too much responsibility. Such people might blame themselves for problems that they didn’t cause or get cajoled into taking care of other people’s responsibilities (especially if they have trouble setting strong boundaries or have the unfortunate luck to interface with highly manipulative people).

What’s more, we certainly can’t take responsibility for everything: it would be overwhelming and unproductive. So we must prioritize.

But many of us (most of us?) could benefit from strategically adopting the Responsibility Mindset.

At its core, the Responsibility Mindset is about being the “master of your fate: the captain of your soul.”

It’s about recognizing that, if you have a goal, choosing to take responsibility (even though you don’t have to) will usually lead to better outcomes – even if you CAN rightly say “this isn’t my responsibility” or “this isn’t fair,” and even though the world WILL throw all kinds of difficulties at you, and even though there IS a tremendous amount of luck influencing our lives (for better and worse). You have to take the reins of the sleigh if you want to influence your destination (even though your hands hurt from the cold, and the reindeer have all gone insane).

…It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

– Invictus by William Ernest Henley

When Henley was a teenager, his leg required amputation due to complications from tuberculosis. In the early 1870s, after seeking treatment for problems with his other leg, he was told that it would also require amputation. He instead chose to go to Edinburgh to enlist the services of the distinguished English surgeon Joseph Lister, who was able to save Henley’s remaining leg after multiple surgical interventions on the foot. Henley spent three years in hospital (1873–75) recovering, during which time he was moved to write the verses that became the poem “Invictus.” (Source: Wikipedia)