Many things in life are most effectively pursued by going after them directly (e.g., if you want coffee, make some coffee). But some of the most important things are most effectively pursued indirectly. For example:
- If you want to be happy right now, don’t try really hard to be happy right now. Instead, do something that’s both meaningful and pleasurable.
- If you want to find someone to fall in love with, don’t go on dates with the goal of determining if you could fall in love with each person. Instead, meet lots of people from a source that is unusually likely to have people you would fall in love with, and during each meeting, be present and have the intention of getting to know that person.
- If you want to meditate effectively, don’t go into each session trying really hard to meditate effectively. Instead, meditate with a gentle intention to focus on your breath and notice when you lose your focus on your breath (or whatever intention is appropriate for the type of meditation you’re doing).
But why is it more effective to pursue some things indirectly, rather than directly? Sometimes it’s because it’s unclear how to engage in direct pursuit (e.g., most people don’t know how to will themselves into suddenly being happy). Sometimes it’s because the direct approach puts you into a state of mind that impairs your performance at the activity (e.g., the attitude of trying to meditate effectively undermines effective meditation). So even if the only reason you’re doing a certain activity is to achieve some end, you may have to have a different intention while doing that activity for it to work effectively.
This piece was first written on July 19, 2025, and first appeared on my website on October 14, 2025.
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