Circling, for anyone who hasn’t tried it, is an unusual kind of “authentic relating” group activity that can help people better understand each other and themselves. Thinking about it got me wondering – what other similar activities can a group do together that can accomplish different results (that might have their own unique strengths and weaknesses)? Here’s my brainstormed list of Circling alternatives.
I’ll start with Circling itself, for those who are not familiar. Note: if you plan to try any of these, be careful and make sure everyone involved knows what rules will be used (in advance) before they agree to participate. For all of these, I’d suggest stating a time limit up front and using a timer to end it at that time (of course, when the timer goes off, the group can decide to do it again if they want).
(1) Circling: a group conversation where the topic of the conversation is limited to what’s happening right now, during the experience itself. As Duncan Sabien explains it: “‘Circling’ is a special kind of conversation, in which the topic of the conversation is the subjective experience of the conversation, as it’s happening., i.e., the thing you are all talking about is what it is like for each of you to be present in the conversation as it unfolds. What you’re noticing, what you’re feeling, the impressions and stories you have of the other people, the shifts in your own physical and emotional state. You take the flurry of second-to-second thoughts, feelings, and reactions that would normally shape and inform what you would say next, and instead just talk about them directly, e.g., “Oh, huh—while I was listening to what you just said, I noticed I felt an impulse to [whatever].”
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(2) Hot Seat Circling: like circling, but the focus of the conversation and attention is one pre-determined person who sits in the middle. (This is a known variant of Circling, not something I came up with.)
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And here are my brainstormed ideas for alternatives:
(3) Clear-ing: everyone sits quietly and clears their mind. Each person tries to notice the very first thought that pops into their mind, and then says it aloud to the group. Then the group resets and does it again (I suggest doing this only for a short amount of time – say, 5 minutes).
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(4) Past-ing: the focus of the conversation must be on the past only. For instance, “Hearing you say that, I’m reminded of a time when…”
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(5) Future-ing: the focus of the conversation must be on the future only. For instance, [in response to what someone else said] “That reminds me that I hope to one day…”
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(6) Echo-ing: the focus of the conversation must be the last thing that was said. You start by repeating (or summarizing what the other person said), and then you react to it (and the next person repeats what you said and reacts to it, and so on).
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(7) Feelings: the only topic of the conversation is the feelings or emotions of attendees. It can be their current feelings, past feelings, or feelings in response to feelings, etc.
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(8) Role-ing: each person in the circle has only one thing they are allowed to do. Every 5 minutes, the roles rotate so that participants get to play different roles:
Role 1: You can only express how you feel or what emotions you’re having.
Role 2: You can only express your cognitive/analytical thoughts about what’s happening right now.
Role 3: You can only ask questions (but people must still stay within their role to try to answer).
Role 4: The only thing you can do is guess what you think others are thinking or feeling.
Role 5: The only thing you can do is ask others to elaborate on what they said.
Role 6: You’re doing normal circling (i.e., you can only talk about what’s happening here and now, but you can talk about any aspect of it that you want).
With smaller or larger groups, you can decide which roles you want and how many of each. You can also have a visual marker in front of each person to indicate what role they are in.
An alternative to Role-ing would be that everyone is in the same role at the same time (e.g., everyone starts in Role 1), and every 5 minutes, everyone switches to the next role.
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(9) Weird-ing: you can only talk about things that normally would not be said, or that normally would be unusual, odd, awkward, or inappropriate to talk about.
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(10) Limit-ing: it starts as a normal conversation. Every 5 minutes, someone suggests a new type of thing you’re not allowed to talk about or a new constraint on conversation (e.g., “you can’t talk about the future” or “everything you say must be at least slightly vulnerable”), then there is a vote. If accepted by a unanimous vote, it gets added to the list of rules (if not, someone else proposes a rule, going around the circle until a rule is accepted by a unanimous vote). If no rule is accepted, then continue for 5 more minutes with no new rule additions. Each time a new rule is added, it gets written on a piece of paper or whiteboard that everyone can see, so it’s clear what all the rules are. Each voting round starts with the person after the one who proposed the last accepted rule.
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(11) Squaring (Sam Rosen’s alternative): “Squaring is also an authentic relating game, but it’s less focused on the here and now. It’s about focusing on and discussing true dynamics that exist between people through time. Some examples of squaring would be:
• Hey, I am surprised we aren’t closer friends. Do you know what’s going on there?
• I notice you plausibly deny flirting with my girlfriend. And it’s not a big deal, and I still love you, but I’d like it if you did it slightly less.
• In our past conversations, I’ve felt you weren’t that curious about what I had to say. Am I imagining this, or am I actually boring you?
• I think you are really insightful, and I don’t think you get enough credit for that, so here’s me giving you credit.
In squaring, you should try to give people your best model of yourself. You should focus on the information you think would be useful to the person you are talking to.”
This piece was first written on August 2, 2025, and first appeared on my website on September 29, 2025.
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