Do women like “bad guys” or do they actually prefer “powerful good guys”?

October 25, 2023

People often talk about how women are attracted to "bad guys" and don't actually like the "nice guys." In my opinion, this is based on misunderstandings of what is attractive. It's definitely true that some women are attracted to traits like narcissism, callousness, and manipulativeness (and some unusual women even go so far as to write letters to serial killers to get to know them). In my experience, though, attraction to traits like these is actually quite rare (I can only think of two fri...

The Power of “Familiar Yet Different”

September 18, 2020

When trying new things, what we like (or benefit from) most is usually familiar to us, yet somehow also distinct. 1. Music: we prefer songs that are similar to others we like but that feel novel. If a song is too similar to what we know, then it's derivative or boring (like listening to the same music on loop), but if it's too novel, it is usually unappealing or dissonant. Music from other cultures can be hard for us to appreciate until we've listened to enough of it. 2. Learning: we lear...

Finding Good Relationships Faster

August 21, 2011

For those who are interested in finding someone to date, a little probabilistic thinking can help a lot. To see how, let's take a moment to analyze the situation. Every time that you meet a new person, there is some chance that you will end up in a romantic relationship. If we want to assign a probability to this happening in any particular case, that probability will depend on the information that we know about both you and this other person. For instance, if we know that he or she is of a g...

Demystifying the Magic Of Attraction

August 9, 2011

Attraction is often thought of as a magical thing. Two people will meet and feel immediately attracted to each other, whereas another two, though they like each other personally and acknowledge each other's good qualities, will feel only friendship. The latter case is often explained with phrases like "they just didn't feel it" or they "had no spark", whereas the former, if it were to lead to marriage, might be deemed "love at first sight." The couples themselves might not be able to explain pre...